When the year draws to a close, it’s almost inevitable that someone, somewhere predicts that the end of the world is nigh. For those of you who don’t keep up with these kooky crackpots and the delusional doomsayers, here’s this year’s big prediction—the ancient Mayans have supposedly foretold that the world will cease to be on 21 December 2012, which really puts a cramp in our Christmas plans. So, since Armageddon is around the corner, we’ve put together our list of things you must do before the final day.
(Disclaimer: Only try these things if you’re absolutely sure that the Mayans were right. We—or the Mayans—will not help you with your legal fees or credit card bills, if the world goes on spinning. But, hey, what’re the chances of that happening…)
An apocalypse party is just like a New Year’s party, but with no consequences—and, hence, more debauchery.
So, on 20 December, here’s what you do: get your party hardiest friends together, rent a limo (try Cosmosine; $699 for a limo for two hours) and book a room at a swanky hotel (Read: 5 best spa staycations in Singapore), drain your savings to buy every kind of alcohol you can think of, and just go nuts. And, hey, don’t worry about bill; it’s not like there’ll be anyone around to collect the day after.
Cosmosine │ Address: #13-00 Far East Finance Building, 14 Robinson Road │ Tel: 97126637
9. Put Whoopee Cushions on the Reserved Seats in Trains
Because farty noises are always funny.
8. Quit Your Job
If there was ever a time to quit your crappy day job in a blaze of glory, it’s now (here are some resignation letter templates; say thank you inSing)! You could walk into your boss’s office and smack him across the face while mocking his managerial abilities, or go even further.
Hire yourself a songwriter and a musical coordinator, get an entire crew of dancers together and stage a musical number. Think of it as ‘Glee’ laced with years of pent-up disgruntled disdain.
7. Seek Revenge on the Annoying Public
Ever get mad when people walk reaaaaaally slowly down Orchard Road and block your way? Or fume at idiots who refuse to let you alight the MRT? Well, it’s payback time.
Now, we could recommend getting a cattle prod and shocking these nitwits into a seizure, but we’re not that evil. Really. So how about getting yourself a paintball gun instead (from $1,790, excluding $220 for a licence, at Paintballersworld) and firing off a couple of rounds into the backs of these pests?
Paintballersworld | Address: #03-03 One Commonwealth Building, 1 Commonwealth Lane | Tel: 67557537
6. Do That ‘Titanic’ Thing on Duck Tours Boats
No Celine Dion though. Come on, you’re classier than that.
5. Eat What You Want
Screw the diet and cancel your gym membership. It’s the end of the world, baby!
Want a steak with a jumbo-sized mashed potatoes? Go for it (hit up www.hungrygowhere.com to find the best eats in Singapore). Looking to scoff down a whole plate of pasta with extra garlic bread? Heck yeah.
Know that reverse bungee thing (from $45 person) over at Clarke Quay? Ride it every night from now till the end of the world and swear in as many ways, dialects and languages as you can.
Oh, come on. Like you haven’t thought about it before anyway…
G-Max Reverse Bungy | Location: Clarke Quay, corner of Eu Tong Seng Street and River Valley Road | Tel: 63381766
3. Buy Every Packet of Tissue From Every Aunty You Can Find
Then go to Newton Circus and “reserve” the whole place for yourself. Hey, you just supported every aunty in Singapore. You deserve a nice quiet meal.
2. Declare Yourself the King of Singapore
Climb onto the Merlion at the Esplande with wear a cardboard crown and yell stuff like, “Ride, Merly! Ride and show the peasants the power of their one true king!”
1. … And Do What’s Really Important
Just ditch all the crazy schemes and ideas, and spend your remaining time appreciating the people you love and care about. Make amends with the people you’ve wronged. Do something nice for someone. Embrace humanity and all its beauty, because we’re all so busy going about our daily lives that we’ve forgotten how to…
No, wait. This is boring. Hand us our paintball guns.